This disease is cunning, powerful and baffling and it is a family disease. I don't know when I crossed over from being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic to being an active alcoholic/addict. I remember the first taste of my drink at 10, was given Valium and 16, didn't start drinking until 21, but didn't drink regularly until I was 27.
When I made the decision to quit, my way I was 41. Figured men where my problem, (and they can be if I allow it to happen, I lived my life through many people in my lifetime) and never got more than three months at one time. When I came to the program at 49, I was able to stay stopped. The biggest part of my recovery has been service. The best way to get out of me and my problems is to help someone else; yet I can use other people to not look at my own issues, so I need the balance of meetings, a sponsor, outside interests, and working the Twelve Steps into my life.
It is a living program. Not a one time "fix" or a remedy to cure my "ills", it is about me learning to live instead of existing and living in the shadow of others and life.
Service helped me with my self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth.
Just keep coming, don't leave until the miracle happens. You may be the only Big Book someone will ever see.
