When you are trying to make things happen and you get angry because no one was available. When you are reaching out were you trying to use the people you called.
I remember one day meeting my dear friend, who was the first person I had coffee with in recovery. I met him in a coffee shop, and he was just coming down from a relapse and he looked like the wrath of God, although I know God had nothing to do with it. It had been his choice, in fact, I had told him, "Guess you are going to have to sh*t or get off the pot, and I told him, 'Oh, so you decided to sh*t, did you,' and seeing this guy I felt hurt me. When I left him, I went down to the mall and told myself,
I need a hug, and I travelled from one end of that mall to the other, looking for
SOMEONE who will give me a hug and make me feel better. I got totally obsessive compulsive about it, and I found myself in front of the movie theatre, and recognized what I was doing, because I couldn't find one person in that mall to give me a hug. I didn't have one thought of me giving a hug to someone else. I stopped, said a prayer, turned my friend over to
HIS Higher Power and asked my Higher Power for forgiveness.
When I surrendered, I walked out of the mall, and at the door of the mall coming in was a girl who called me sponsor. She doesn't like hugs but she offered me one that day. She even gave me a big white teddy bear because she knew how much I loved hugs and most times she didn't feel comfortable giving them. Most times, she went from the meeting to the bar, and just couldn't stay sober. I went about two blocks and there was my ex-boyfriend who said, "What's up kid?" I said, "I could use a hug and shared with him about our mutual friend and asked him to say a prayer for him."
As I got close to home, a good friend from NA was putting money in the parking meter and I got a hug, just because I was a member of NA and belong to his group. As I was speaking to him, a woman from an AA meeting came out of the building across the street from mine, said, "Oh, JoAnne I have been wanting to get hold of you." She gave me a hug, I introduced her to my friend, he went to work and she informed me that she had some clothes for me if I wouldn't be offended. I had lost weight, she had gained it. I had just done a reading with my cards that said, "Your female side is languishing." When she delivered the boxes later they were filled with skirts and dresses."
When I gave up and surrendered, my God met my needs. When I went looking for it trying to make it happen, it wasn't there. God not only met my needs, I was given many bonus gifts along with way.
God is good. Good is God. Thanksgiving is all year round!
