Welcome BBJohn, so good to hear from you. I hope you will make us a daily visit and tkae time to read the daily readings. There is a lot of recovery material here, and I hope you avail yourself of it.
Remember it is one day at a time, we didn't get this way overnight, so we don't get better overnight. Relapse is a part of our disease, it is not a recovery tool. I always try to start my day with, "Just for today, I choose not to use...for me, it is people, places, and things."
Allow yourself to heal. A member of my group was just in Paris. She is an artist. She said that there were no English speaking meetings, so she was glad to be home. If you can find some other English people, perhaps you could start a meeting. You know it is where two or more gather together.
