Quote:
Survival
from: "First Things First"
"Here's an old saying that has special, strong meaning for us. Simply stated, it is this: Above all other concerns, we must remember that we cannot drink. Not drinking is the first order of business for us, anywhere, any time, under any circumstances.
"This is strictly a matter of survival for us. We have learned that alcohol is a killer disease, leading to death in a large number of ways. We prefer not to activate that disease by risking a drink."
© 1975, Living Sober, page 32
THOUGHT FOR TODAY (2005):
Triggers are something I had to be aware of. Going back to where I came from was not an option, so I had to be watchful of what brought the thought of using to mind and when it appeared, how to handle it.
Flavored drinks, the smell and taste of vanilla, money, crowds (especially noisy ones), fear, and anger were all triggers for me. I remember once not wanting to swollow the saliva in my mouth and spitting it out because it tasted like pure alcohol. I was walking down the street with a sponsee who was projecting her angr at me because she was looking for a quick fix and it wasn't happening and she wanted me to do the work for her. There was no alcohol around, I smelled it and tasted it and when I shared this with my counselor at the YWCA she said it was anger. How did you deal with anger in the past? By taking a drink of course or any other substance to stuff the feeling. I don't want to feel this and would pick up food, turn on the TV, call people on the phone, anything that would take me out of where I was at and not deal with the issue at hand.
The blanket of denial can hide a lot of things, the masks I put on to hide the true me, and the old tapes I listened to because it is always me that pushes the "play" button. All things that I needed to be aware of to learn how to live in today, clean and sober.
Originally posted at ***
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When we were using, we were in survival mode, didn't look at what we saw as petty things and things we thought were not worth our time or attention, including ourselves health wise, but so selfish and self-centered, it was all about me and what I could get and what I needed. We need to get our needs met, but then we need to give and share with others what happened to us, what it was like, and what it is in today.
No matter how many times I crashed and burned, it was always about the other guy.