Welcome Max, thanks for signing in and sharing. The best advice I can give you is, "Don't pick up no matter what." Live in the solution instead of the problem. Go to meetings, and when you are tired of meetings, go to more meetings. Find a home group, some place you feel comfortable, look for someone who you feel comfortable talking to, or look for someone who has what you want and speak to them, and ask for their experience, strength, and hope and what worked for them.
There is a lot of recovery material here. It is a disease that affects us mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physical. It is not a quick fix, it is a process and you have to be willing to follow the path laid out by the fellowship you choose for you.
My sponsor was a heroin addict and she got triggered going to NA, so she chose AA. My denial was about alcohol, I always knew I was an addict, so I went to AA, took the body, until the mind followed. I also qualified for Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Codependency, and even checked out Women for Sobriety, CA, and found out that I also qualified for OA. What I found out it wasn't the substance, it was me and my thinking. I had to build a relationship with a Higher Power, who in today, I call my God.
You can't wear out the Serenity Prayer. Hugs are healing. We don't look at time, it is one day at a time. Each day is a new beginning, so have a good one.
