Thank you for sharing, I will try to remember everything, the heat is really getting to me.
One I was brought up in the Gospel Halls, but also went to the Baptist Church and on occasions taken to the Roman Catholic Church which terrified me just entering the door.
When I say dangerous, it was because it was my perception of what I heard and what I interrupted things to mean. I got a lot of mixed messages and I walked in fear my whole life. Made the decision to be hung as a sheep instead of a lamb and found myself attracted to the big bad wolves all the time.
The church is made up of people, the same as the fellowships of recovery. Some people make the church and the fellowship look bad. Many times I looked and said, if that is Christianity, I don't want it. If that is recovery, I don't want it. As my sponsor said to me in early recovery, "You will learn two things going to a meeting/service, how to work your program and how not to work your program.
Even the Bible (new versions) and the Big Book are written by man, both were divinely inspired. I am not too keen on the new versions of the Bible, a lot is left to interpretation, and when you have the dis-ease of addiction, it is amazing what you can read into the words.
When I first went to AA, I had no identification for me what so ever. It would have been good for my dad and my ex-husband. I tried my way for 8 years my way, and my way didn't work. I came to the conclusion that my problem was men. I had no desire to quit drinking or to quit smoking. As they say, you can frighten an alcoholic. I was 7 years sober before I decided I wanted to be a clear clean channel and quit smoking. I lost 3 pounds instead of gaining weight by going to NA.
I am sure AA saved my life. They loved me back to good health. I wanted the world to stop and let me get off. They loved me until I could love myself. I used my Bible the first year of recovery. I got to a place where I didn't know who God was and was questioning God. I knew Jesus loved me, was brought up knowing that. I had to go on a personal spiritual quest to find out who God was to me and to build a personal relationship with the God of my understandiing. Not the God someone told me to believe in, not the God someone said He was or was not, but who He was to me. My God as He reveals Himself to me in today, keeps me clean and sober in today.
By working the 12 Steps (don't knock them if you haven't honestly tried them), they bring a closer walk with my God and a deeper understanding of myself. They work if you work them. They are not a one time deal, they are a way of life. They are a tool of life. You take the words off the pages of the literature and apply it to your life. Even the words in the Bible mean nothing if you don't live them. They are called spiritual principles. You can talk a good story, but if you don't live it, it means nothing. God knows.
For several months, I thought of going back to church. I realized that I had no problems going there. I have the same problem with going to church as I have getting to a meeting, my health, be it mental, emotional, and or physical.
LOL! The church doesn't teach anyone about keeping sober, it tells them to drink and serves up the wine. Yet there is the little issue of those of us who can't drink safely. An alcoholic doesn't metabolize the alcohol the way other people do.
http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/AA72/AA72.htm
I have no problem with anyone who drinks alcohol as long as he/she isn't one of those people who where the t-shirt that says, "Instant A$$hole, just add alcohol."
Congratulations on your 24 years sober. I have 23 year of sobriety, thanks to AA.
My sponsor told me that I had to work on my emotional sobriety each day. Sobriety meant soundness of mind. I can be sober and not have soundness of mind. I can be sober and act out in my old behaviours, habits, and thinking. The 12 Steps help me to deal with these, bring out stuff that was buried and hidden, and when I bring them out of the darkness into the light, they are healed.
I believe there is ONE God who answers to all. The Spirit of God resides in us all when we surrender, reach out and ask in Jesus Name for help.
As my sponsor said, "Religion and Spirituality are not the same thing. Those of us who have both are truly blessed. My religious belief enhances my spirituality and my spirituality enhances my religious beliefs.
Not sure if you want or need more, or if I have forgotten something, please continue to ask.