Found this post on another site. I had wrote about sharing with someone, who was referred to me from my old group. So many people say, you don't go to meetings, so how can you be sober? I don't know if I am delusional and in total denial or what. I probably talk and share recovery more than anyone on the planet, even people who work in treatment centers. Now I don't even have my bridge games to give me the balance, and my eyes haven't allowed me to have to break that I use to take from the computer. The only difference, is that I am getting more sleep, and it is cutting into my computer time.
They use to call me the meeting kid. They laughed at me for going to so many meetings. I am so glad I went to all those meetings. What comes out of my mouth, is what I heard in all those meetings. My thoughts are not original thoughts. They are words I heard, or words given to me by my HP. My goal in life is to be a channel to carry the message of recovery to the addict who still suffers, be he/she is new or old. Some days that person is me, and I need to give in order to receive.
Do you know what solid recovery is? I didn't pick up a drink or a drug! Do you know what solid recovery is? I didn't pick up a MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCE today! My doctors have prescribed anti-depressants for me for years. I just don't like how I feel on them. I find them to be mind altering for me and stop me from being me. I don't like my thinking, and or my inability to think and feel connected to my God.
It doesn't mean I had serenity all day. It doesn't mean I had peace and wisdom and love all day. It means that I tried to the best of my ability to be the best person that I can be in today.
I was told that sobriety meant soundness of mind. My disease is a thinking disease, so it isn't about not picking up a drug of any kind, but changing the thought patterns, the old behaviours that put me into that old thought patterns that lead me to picking up in the first place.
I need new light and awareness in my life. Me alone with me is bad company, I need that memory that it is no better out there, and to look at the whole picture. Look at the beginning, and the journey I took to the end, and remain grateful that I was able to walk through the doors of recovery.
