Glad you are here. You are in the right place. Like all others said, Alanon would be of great benefit for you. You could also go to Alcoholics Anonymous Open meetings. You might learn more from listening to other recovering alcoholics.
As i read your share it reminded me a portion of AA literature where it says we become like "Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde". In my own addiction I became a totally different person than i was when i was not drinking or using. My husband at the time couldnt handle me. He suffered a long time because He didnt get any real help for himself. He was to busy trying to "save" me and that didnt work. His continual trying to "save" me just made things worse. He was actually enabling me to keep doing what i was doing. I had to hit a bottom. Only then is when i got the help i needed. He got me in to treatment. We are divorced now but i am grateful to him today for helping me get to treatment when i wanted it.
Just know you are not alone. We are here for you. And people at Alanon would be too.
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