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Family and Friends of Alcoholics and Addicts This forum is for families and friends whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking and/or drug abuse. |
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03-01-2014, 06:50 AM | #1 |
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The Language of Letting Go - March 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Letting Go of Anger In recovery, we often discuss anger objectively. Yes, we reason, it's an emotion we're all prone to experience. Yes, the goal in recovery is to be free of resentment and anger. Yes, it's okay to feel angry, we agree. Well, maybe. . . . Anger is a powerful and sometimes frightening emotion. It's also a beneficial one if it's not allowed to harden into resentment or used as a battering ram to punish or abuse people. Anger is a warning signal. It points to problems. Sometimes, it signals problems we need to solve. Sometimes, it points to boundaries we need to set. Sometimes, it's the final burst of energy before letting go, or acceptance, settles in. And, sometimes, anger just is. It doesn't have to be justified. It usually can't be confined to a tidy package. And it need not cause us to stifle our energy or ourselves. We don't have to feel guilty whenever we experience anger. We don't have to feel guilty. Breathe deeply. We can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for our behaviors. I will feel and release any angry feelings I have today. I can do that appropriately and safely.
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03-02-2014, 09:18 PM | #2 | |
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03-03-2014, 09:19 AM | #3 |
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Monday, March 3, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Accepting Ourselves While driving one day, a woman's attention focused on the license plate of the car ahead. The license read: B WHO UR. How can I? she thought. I don't know who I am! Some of us may have felt confused when people encouraged us to be ourselves. How could we know ourselves, or be who we are, when, for years, many of us submerged ourselves in the needs of others? We do have a self. We're discovering more about ourselves daily. We're learning we're deserving of love. We're learning to accept ourselves, as we are for the present moment - to accept our feelings, thoughts, flaws, wants, needs, and desires. If our thoughts or feelings are confused, we accept that too. To be who we are means we accept our past - our history - exactly as is. To be ourselves means we are entitled to our opinions and beliefs - for the present moment and subject to change. We accept our limitations and our strengths. To be who we are means we accept our physical selves, as well as our mental, emotional, and spiritual selves, for now. Being who we are in recovery means we take that acceptance one step further. We can appreciate our history and ourselves. Being whom we are, loving and accepting ourselves, is not a limiting attitude. Accepting and loving ourselves is how we enable growth and change. Today, I will be who I am. If I'm not yet certain who I am, I will affirm that I have a right to that exciting discovery.
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03-04-2014, 01:38 AM | #4 |
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Tuesday, March 4, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Higher Power as a Source I've learned I can take care of myself, and what I can't do, God will do for me. —Al-Anon member God, a Higher Power as we understand Him, is our source of guidance and positive change. This doesn't mean we're not responsible for ourselves. We are. But we aren't in this alone. Recovery is not a do-it-yourself project. We don't have to become overly concerned about changing ourselves. We can do our part, relax, and trust that the changes we'll experience will be right for us. Recovery means we don't have to look to other people as our source to meet our needs. They can help us, but they are not the source. As we learn to trust the recovery process, we start to understand that a relationship with our Higher Power is no substitute for relationships with people. We don't need to hide behind religious beliefs or use our relationship with a Higher Power as an excuse to stop taking responsibility for ourselves and taking care of ourselves in relationships. But we can tap into and trust a Power greater than ourselves for the energy, wisdom, and guidance to do that. Today, I will look to my Higher Power as a source for all my needs, including the changes I want to make in my recovery.
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03-05-2014, 07:49 AM | #5 | |
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Life is as it is in today. Until I find that acceptance, I can not move through the pain.
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03-06-2014, 04:56 PM | #6 | |
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A flame doesn't burn for long if it isn't fed fuel.
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03-07-2014, 02:50 AM | #7 | |
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03-08-2014, 05:15 AM | #8 | |
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03-09-2014, 01:21 AM | #9 |
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Sunday, March 9, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Taking Care of Ourselves We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict. What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries! It's good to care about other people and their feelings; it's essential to care about ourselves too. Sometimes, to take good care of ourselves, we need to make a choice. Some of us live with a deeply ingrained message from our family, or from church, about never hurting other people's feelings. We can replace that message with a new one; one that says it's not okay to hurt ourselves. Sometimes, when we take care of ourselves, others will react with hurt feelings. That's okay. We will learn, grow, and benefit by the experience; they will too. The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allows others to be responsible for themselves. Caring works. Caretaking doesn't. We can learn to walk the line between the two. Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of other peoples feelings and instead take care of my own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing its the best thing I can do for others and myself.
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03-10-2014, 01:33 AM | #10 |
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Monday, March 10, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Living with Families I was forty-six years old before I finally admitted to myself and someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty, angry, and controlled. —Anonymous We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and care about us. But interacting with some members may be a real trigger to our codependency - sometimes to a deep abyss of shame, rage, anger, guilt, and helplessness. It can be difficult to achieve detachment, or an emotional level, with certain family members. It can be difficult to separate their issues from ours. It can be difficult to own our power. Difficult, but not impossible. The first step is awareness and acceptance - simple acknowledgment, without guilt, of our feelings and thoughts. We do not have to blame our family members. We do not have to blame or shame ourselves. Acceptance is the goal - acceptance and freedom to choose what we want and need to do to take care of ourselves with that person. We can become free of the patterns of the past. We are recovering. Progress is the goal. Today, Higher Power, help me be patient with myself as I learn how to apply recovery behaviors with family members. Help me strive today for awareness and acceptance.
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03-11-2014, 10:13 AM | #11 | |
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As they say for every finger I point, I have three coming back at me, then it does get crowded up there, I have their 'stuff' along with mine, and the extra burdens I add to the equation by my magic magnifying mind and my fingers that feel like they just have to be part of the pie.
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03-12-2014, 01:31 PM | #12 | |
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Learning to know that God`s Time isn`t always my time.
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03-13-2014, 07:15 AM | #13 |
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Thursday, March 13, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Clarity and direction In spite of our best efforts to work our programs and lean on God's guidance, we sometimes don't understand what's going on in our life. We trust, wait, pray, listen to people, listen to ourselves, and the answer still does not come. During those times, we need to understand that we are right where we need to be, even though that place may feel awkward and uncomfortable. Our life does have purpose and direction. We are being changed, healed, and transformed at levels deeper than we can imagine. Good things, beyond our capacity to imagine, are being prepared and brought to us. We are being led and guided. We can become peaceful. We do not have to act in haste or urgency just to relieve our discomfort, just to get an answer. We can wait until our mind is peaceful. We can wait for clear direction. Clarity will come. The answer will come, and it will be good for us and those around us. Today, God, help me know I am being guided into what's good about life, especially when I feel confused and without direction. Help me trust enough to wait until my mind and vision are clear and consistent. Help me know that clarity will come.
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03-14-2014, 04:30 AM | #14 | |
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03-15-2014, 04:20 AM | #15 |
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Saturday, March 15, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Removing the Victim Don't others see how much I'm hurting? Can't they see I need help? Don't they care? The issue is not whether others see or care. The issue is whether we see and care about ourselves. Often, when we are pointing a finger at others, waiting for them to have compassion for us, its because we have not fully accepted our pain. We have not yet reached that point of caring about ourselves. We are hoping for awareness in another that we have not yet had. It is our job to have compassion for ourselves. When we do, we have taken the first step toward removing ourselves as victims. We are on the way to self-responsibility, self-care, and change. Today, I will not wait for others to see and care; I will take responsibility for being aware of my pain and problems, and caring about myself.
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