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Old 04-12-2014, 06:25 AM   #1
FirstTimeAround
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1
Default Hello Everyone.

Hi everyone. I don't know what I am looking for here, so I'll just ramble for now.

Dad, alcoholic, Mum alcoholic. Mum and Dad split, mum left, returned and dad kicked me out to save his marriage. Mum had 8 year affair and left anyway. Pointless. Mum now dry, Dad still drinking.

Married over 10 years, been an evening drinker almost all the time. Currently dry since Feb 6th, and not really battling, just thoughts of drinking pleasure, no craving, so I can handle it.

Attended AA several times, not keen but reading and following the 12 steps.

W and I went through 6 traumatic events in the last year, before I quit drinking and one afterwards. She's not talking to me, MC cannot help and W is walking out with the kids. Still a lot of tension, never praised me on stopping or talked about it in depth. Think it's over and that's 14 years down the pan. She attended 1 alanon but don't know if she got anything out of it. Could be the backlash to me quitting.

Don't know if it's me, her, time of life or what, or everything. I know I had a meltdown in the last year and has pushed to this point. Not physically abusive when drunk, but not nice, totally detached from her and now I've lost her when I want to try to reconnect and be supported. It's my fault I know, I had my own crisis.

Anyway, that's me, more and more drama going on. Demanding job which means AA is hard to get to, but I need social more than anything, coffee, anything other than being here alone when W has gone, dwelling on how I screwed everything over.

Worst for me is not being able to sleep. That's the main reason in my depression that the drinking took over. I sleep well if drunk. Still in a pit of depression.

In therapy, seeing an IC, MC but going nowhere.

****, I can ramble.
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