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Old 04-23-2014, 11:57 AM   #7
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MajestyJo's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 22,087

The grieving process is an up and down whirlwind of feelings which have no order and once they are gone, they come back again and repeat themselves not always in the same order.

I am entitled to my feelings. They are mine. No one has a right to disagree with them. They can disagree with the concept or my conclusion about the feelings, but the feelings are mine. The person may have had similar feelings but they are not attached to the things that my feelings are attached to.

Even if the person has a son, there son is not the same as my son. Even if the person has experience grief, there feelings were there own not mine.

What is nice that I can share my feelings and people can identify. When they start to compare, they can seem less than or greater than, and no ones feelings are less than or greater than, they just are! It is important to validate your feelings and that validation doesn't have to come from outside of yourself. When we compare, we end up feeling less than or greater than, which is not a healthy way to live.

Feelings are feelings and as the slogan says, "This too shall pass." Acknowledging them and accepting them for what they are in the moment, helps them to heal and then you are better able to let them go.

I will always remember the girl in treatment who kept saying, "But how do you feel?" I use to get really annoyed with her, mainly because I didn't know how to answer her. I couldn't identify my feelings.

I wasn't allowed to express them when I was growing up. How can you know if you were never taught. How can you identify something that you never allowed yourself to feel?

After a while, I felt anger and I acted out in the anger the only way I knew how to do, with more anger. I repleid to her, "And how the f*&k should I know? If I knew what I was feeling I would be in this f*&king place!

So glad I don't have to act out those old feelings the way I use to. I am so glad that I have a better way of dealing with them. I can turn them over to my Higher Power and ask them to be changed. I was told to clean up my person, clean up my act, and clean up my mouth!
I still have trouble crying, the difference in today is that if they appear in today, I don't shut them down and allow them to flow. They are so healing.

So many times the feelings are attached to the past and are attached to an old memory that I never acknowledged and I didn't allow the grief, instead I had picked up a cigarette, a drink, a pill, food, work, etc.

Things that I have problem forgiving in today, is often rooted in my past, and feelings are hard to let go because they are go so far back, long forgotten or ignored.

If your God brings you to it, He will see you through it. That isn't just situations in life, it is about dealing with past issues and feelings.


Love always,


I share because I care.

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