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Family and Friends of Alcoholics and Addicts This forum is for families and friends whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking and/or drug abuse.

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Old 09-30-2014, 03:20 AM   #31
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 22,048

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Not a Victim

You are not a victim.

How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings of victimization.

Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to us!

Got a new car? Yes, we sigh, but it doesn't run as well as I expected, and after all, it cost so much. . . .

You've got such a nice family! Yes, we sigh, but there are problems. And we've had such hard times. . . .

Well, your career certainly is going well! Ah, we sigh, but there is such a price to pay for success. All that extra paperwork. . . .

I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.

Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life taking our blows.

Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind.

We are not victims. We may have been victimized. We may have allowed ourselves to be victimized. We may have sought out, created, or re created situations that victimized us. But we are not victims.

We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.

We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.

Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!

And learn to enjoy what's good.

Today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak, or act like a victim. Instead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what's good and right in my life.
So many times we don't know that we have the power to do for ourselves. We stay in abusive situation thinking we have no other options. I know I did, waiting for a better time, and it never came. I had 50 cents in my wallet and no food in my cupboards and my refrigerator, but I told him to leave. It ended up that the Royal Canadian Legion, my friend's husband was a Past President, got me a food voucher to get me food until I could get food until I got hold of Mother's Allowance on Monday. That didn't mean I quit drinking, but it made me God was in my life and was there. I figured my problem was men and made the decision to give them up. I was later to have a 5 man relapse that started 15 years later, when I had 15 years sober. I was 7 years sober before I got into a relationship. I wondered if I should change my dry date. When I share my story, I introduce myself as, "Hi, my name is JoAnne, and I am an alcoholic, whose drug of choice is alcohol, men, pills, men, food, relationships, work, men, etc.

Love always,


I share because I care.

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