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01-07-2016, 02:38 PM | #13 | |
Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 25,085
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Quote:
I don't believe God tests us but I do believe we are taught lessons. So often I have tested God. Okay Big Guy, let's see if you are up to this! He is a loving God, but for me, more importantly, He is a forgiving one. Most times I cause my own pain and it is a result of choices I have made in the past be it even two days ago. In today I try to make healthy choices. What goes around comes around! My brother was killed when he was two and I was three. My mother told me that I would go up to my uncle who was driving the truck that ran over him and ask, "Why did you kill my Dougie?" I heard her tell the story many times and it reinforced that I was a bad girl and that I should say those things. I had trouble for years communicating with that uncle because of it. I felt shame and guilt. It wasn't until I was in recovery that I learned that I was a little girl in pain and didn't know how to deal with her pain. I was there, saw it happen and all I can remember is me "Calling Dougie, come out of the way." I thought it was my fault because he was coming to me when he was run over. I later learned that when he was born, I nominated myself as his caregiver. I felt the guilt because I wasn't able to save him and take care of him. It was heavy burden for a little girl to carry, let alone the woman who didn't deal with the issue unto 50 years later.
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Love always, Jo I share because I care. Last edited by MajestyJo; 12-28-2016 at 05:03 PM. |
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