Value Just Being

[MajestyJo]

Many times we ignore what is going on with us. Sometimes it may seem minor, but in truth, it can lead to something big, if ignored.

I have a sister who did that most of her life, she is not an alcoholic and addict, although she has lived her life through others, and put her life on hold and ignored her needs.

She was a full blown diabetic before being dignosed, has had to have heart surgery, and has very little boundaries and very little self-care.

I use to pooh hoo my symptoms also, at 19 I was told that I needed to have treatment on my feet, but who wants to listen to a foot doctor and spend your money, for a foot doctor, who just may be out to get your money. That was my thinking and I ignored it, and today my issues are with my feet, due to neuropathy as a result of my diabetes, gout, and pseudo gout in my feet, hands, knees, shoulders, etc.

I have heard people say, I never felt this way until I got clean and sober. That was because I masked and covered up my feelings and physical pain, by using. Not just not alcohol and prescription pills, but food, people, relationships, work, and that almighty thing (Gambling, computer, church, shopping, etc.) that would take me out of myself so I didn`t feel. They were a commodity that stopped me from coping with life, a friend that became my enemy, because I became immune, and had to find other `things`to use. My long time solace came from my bed, I could hide away and hope the world would go and pass me by.

As I told my son today, the pain is always there. It is about me doing what I need to do to make it manageable. Things are unmanageable when managed by me. I had to look at my motive and intent, especially when it came to going to my bed. Did I need to go there or was I hiding from what I needed to do. I can`t allow my pain to rule my life.