Today's Thought - May

[bluidkiti]

May 16

I don't do what I do just so people will think kindly of me. I like doing what I do.
--Janice Clark

We're lucky if we like everything that we do. But many of us have to develop a willingness to like many of the activities we're involved in. Is that unusual? Probably not. Nor does it matter. Acting as if we enjoy a menial task or an unusual pursuit offers us a different perspective on it. Just looking at it through more willing eyes changes not just how we see it, but how we feel about it. Often we discover that we can enjoy that which we dreaded before.

Because we wanted to be liked, and it's human nature to want that, we often volunteered for committees, for jobs, for assignments of all kinds that we didn't want to do. There's no shame in that. But at long last, we can dare to be more selective about what we'll do.

We are needed. That's why we're still alive. And while not everybody likes us, those currently in our circle of acquaintances need us and we need them. The work that is yet to be done relies on all of us. Pitching in begins to feel good when we have the right attitude.

I don't have to like everything I need to do today, but I'll feel more open to all the tasks if I remember they need my input.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

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May 17

Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks.
-- Isaac Watts

We marry for better or for worse, we expect some ups and downs, but once we feel we've been betrayed, we are lost.

If we've been lied to so many times we can no longer think straight, if we've been fooled into thinking we are at fault for an impossible financial situation because we don't work, don't earn enough, or because we spend too much, or if we've been manipulated into believing that by co-signing a loan all our problems would disappear, we've been betrayed. The person we thought we were supposed to trust and to turn to for emotional support is not being trustworthy or supportive.

Getting through betrayal is a long process, one that both parties must be willing to commit to in the most profound way. If one party is unwilling to be consistently trustworthy and the other is unwilling to forgive, the cracked foundation only crumbles further.

Today I will understand that trust is a core component of any successful relationship, and I will know that I deserve a trustworthy partner.

You are reading from the book:

Letting Go of Debt by Karen Casanova

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May 18

Trust that good will come.

It was a slow, boring January day. We had just moved in to our new home. Construction wasn't complete. The house was a mess. All we had was a plan and a dream. There wasn't any furniture yet. We were lying around on the floor. It was too cold and rainy to be outdoors.

I don't know who got the idea first, my son or me. But we both picked up Magic Markers about the same time. Then we started drawing on the wall.

"What do you want to happen in your life?" I asked. He drew pictures of seaplanes, and mountains, and boats leaving the shore. One picture was of a video cameraman jumping out of a plane. "I want adventure," he said.

I drew pictures of a woman tromping around the world. She went to war-torn countries. She visited the mountains and the oceans and many exciting places. Then I drew a heart around the entire picture, and she sat there in the middle of all the experiences on a big stack of books. "I want stories," I said, "ones with a lot of heart."

Across the entire picture, in big letters, he wrote the word "Woohoo!" On the bottom of the wall I wrote, "The future is only limited by what we can see now." He grabbed a marker, crossed out only, and changed it to never. "There," he said, "it's done."

Thank God, the future is never limited by what we can see right now.

Before we start speaking the language of letting go, we need to understand what a powerful behavior letting go and letting God really is.

God, help me do my part. Then help me let go and let You do yours.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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May 19

Don't sweat the small stuff, and remember, it's all small stuff.

*****

Drinking didn't cause my problems, living did.

*****

The practicing alcoholic is the only person in the world who can lie in the gutter and still look down on others.

*****

AA meetings are the jumper cables God uses to get love flowing from one alcoholic to another.

You are reading from the book:

My Mind Is Out to Get Me by Dr. Ron B.

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May 20

Letting Go of Worry

What if we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we'd be grateful for that problem, and its solution?

What if . . . we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that everything that's happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they're intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don't have to control or take responsibility for them?

What if . . . we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?

What if . . . we knew everything was okay, and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?

We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.

Today, I will know that I don't have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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May 21

Vulnerable Honesty

There's a fine line between being vulnerably honest and just being honest. Has a friend ever called early in the morning, right when you were waking up? Can you remember how you talked then, before your defenses were up?

When we're vulnerably honest, our defenses are down. We're gentler, kinder, more open about ourselves. When people preface whatever they're going to say with "I'm just being honest," they're usually going to tell us what they think. Vulnerability doesn't need a preface or an introduction. It comes from the heart, and it speaks for itself.

A man was complaining about something I'd said in one of my books. "Don't you know people will read that and interpret it as encouragement to do anything they want, maybe have an affair and cheat on their husband?" he said. "Or if they're recovering, they'll think it's okay to get high again?"

I started to respond by being defensive. Then I took a deep breath and went into my heart. I explained that was never my intention. I wondered whether he had possibly misinterpreted it? Then I took an even deeper breath and took a chance. "Are you in a lot of pain?" I asked.

It didn't take him long to respond. "Yes, I am in pain. Thank you for asking," he said. "I just discovered my wife had an affair, and I don't know what to do."

When we get those defenses down and come from the heart, it doesn't just help us. It helps other people open up too.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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May 22

The Dark Side

Have you ever gone outside at night and looked closely at the new moon? Or looked through a telescope at the moon when it was crescent shaped? Although what we see is a bright slice, we know there's more. Even when the moon is full and lights the night sky, there's a dark side to the moon.

There's a dark side to us too. We all experience jealousy, envy, bitterness, resentment. How about neediness? Ugh. Who wants to shine a light on that?

What about all those fears? Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of intimacy, fear of going broke, fear of the unknown, fear of growing old, fear of being alone, fear of being with someone, fear of losing control.

Then there are other parts of us that we would prefer to keep darkened and out of sight, parts such as greed, dishonesty, intolerance, disgust, hatred. Although some people have no problem showing anger, others of us prefer to keep that out of sight too. And what about our manipulative part? Who wants anyone to see that?

Some of us may even consider the dark side of ourselves forbidden. We may refuse to acknowledge it exists because we believe it's wrong. Not acknowledging our dark side doesn't wish it out of existence, any more than not seeing the dark side of the moon makes it disappear.

Most sane people agree that they don't want to be controlled by their dark side. We don't want parts of ourselves - jealousy, neediness, and greed - to control our behaviors. But when we don't acknowledge these emotions and traits, they can gain control. The more we try to repress something, the more it fights for its life.

Don't be afraid. Shine a light on that dark part. At least look at it briefly. Acknowledge it's there. Take some of the pressure off. Let yourself be well rounded, instead of one-dimensional. We don't just have a light side, a bright side. Nobody is always loving, always kind, always generous, and always thoughtful.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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May 23

Be aware of yourself and validate your experience. Pay attention to your world, to what's happening, and why. . . . Feel your strength. Value it, and use it.
--Alexandra G. Kaplan

To truly exist in the here and now, we need to feel ourselves in the present. We need to enter each moment without the excess baggage of the past, nor the anticipation of the future.

How do we think or feel in the present? Take away thoughts of other times and we may feel lost and confused. It takes time to learn to live in the present and to trust it. We need to learn that, for as long as we're in the present, we exist. We are.

Imagine the moment as a brand new car. All we need to do is open the door, hop in, and drive away. For that moment, our thoughts will not be focused on cars we used to own or on those we're going to buy in the future. Instead, for that moment, we are in the here and now. That's how each of our moments can be: fresh and clean and exciting.

I can sit in the driver's seat and experience each moment as it occurs. Therein lies my strength.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

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May 24

I walked out the bakery door holding my crescent and coffee. I looked down. On the sidewalk lay a large dog. He was on his back, motionless. A crowd of people was gathering around and staring.

"Oh my God," I said. A man walked up to me. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Haven't you ever seen a dead dog before?"

I was horrified. Then I saw the glimmer of a smile on the man's face. I looked more closely. This is Los Angeles. Even dogs want to be actors. He had told the dog to play dead instead of sit while he was in the bakery. I chuckled and then walked to my car.

I first learned about the value of laughter the year after I got out of treatment. I began working for a law firm in a small town. I was so frightened - of life, of myself, of whether I could stay sober. I was all bound up inside of myself. I worked alongside a woman in her later twenties, a paralegal in the firm. Often our tasks consisted of rather repetitive, unexciting chores. This was in the old days, before computers. Wills had to be typed perfectly; we couldn't use correction fluid or erasers. It wasn't uncommon to get to the last line of the page and make a mistake.

What I remember most about working with this woman was her ability to laugh at herself, at her tasks, at the sometimes gruesome and boring nature of life. To this day, I don't think she knows how much she affected me and how much she taught me. She taught me to laugh.

Laughter takes the pressure off and lightens the load. We can actually feel our body and our chemistry change when the corners of the mouth turn upward toward the heavens in a smile.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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May 25

Yesterday is gone; forget it. Tomorrow never comes; don't worry. Today is here; get busy.

*****

Willpower; our willingness to use a higher power.

*****

Recovery is a journey, not a destination. May your journey be long.

*****

The program is education without graduation.

*****

God can't give you anything new until you let go of the old.

*****

Remember, we were all born to be happy, joyous and free.

You are reading from the book:

Keep Coming Back Gift Book by Meiji Stewart

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May 26

My thoughts guide my day. Noticing how I awake can help me save the day.
-- Kelley Vickstrom

We may envy friends who seem happy and peaceful. Why aren't they troubled as we so often are? The fact is, we can take actions to become more content too. One of the simplest is to ask our Higher Power for a positive attitude before we even throw back the bed covers.

Being in charge of what we dwell on is easier than we might imagine. We can practice the art of focusing our minds on the positive. Begin by stopping a thought, any thought, in mid-sentence. Focus on a blessing that is obvious today. Anytime an unhealthy thought surfaces, drop it, and replace it with a blessing. This can become a way of life if we make the choice.

We have felt enough pain and experienced enough harm. Today can be much better. And it will be if we carefully select our thoughts.

I am as happy as I truly want to be today. No one can steal peacefulness from me if that's what I really want.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

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May 27

This is a “we” program.
--Saying heard at meetings

Newcomer
Why must I have a sponsor? Can’t I do this on my own?

Sponsor
Sponsorship is a strong suggestion – not a rule. Yes, some people do stay in recovery without a sponsor. And no, we can’t recover on our own.

There are great advantages to taking the program suggestion to maintain a relationship with a sponsor. Recovery is a major change – it's one of the most difficult, most courageous things we can do in our lives. A sponsor, someone who's survived the ups and downs we’re facing in early recovery, can serve as a guide and mentor. He or she can answer our questions and help us through the Steps, giving us the benefit of his or her experience. With a sponsor present to witness our recovery process, to offer perspective and support, we may have a gentler ride.

When I was active in my addiction, I avoided the intimacy of relationships in which I might have to open myself to others or trust them. Even at times when there were many people in my life, I managed to avoid "people situations" that made me uncomfortable. A sponsor-sponsee relationship can be the start of learning that human beings can depend on one another.

Today, I'm not alone in recovery.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

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May 28

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
--Albert Einstein

We used to think we knew it all. We had grandiose ideas about ourselves. We stopped asking hard questions that could cause our fragile world of make-believe and deviousness to come crashing down. We protected our addiction by fleeing from the questions that could have started us on the road to recovery.

One day the questions flooded in unchecked. Why am I out of control? How come I can't look my beloved in the eye? Why don't I have time for my friends? Why do I get irritated with my children? Why do I feel so bad about myself, so filled with shame? Why can't I cope? Why is my life unmanageable?

Unmanageable? When we feel this question deeply, then we are already on the road to recovery, for we know we can't continue to go it alone. The question suggests an answer; we need others, a different system of support, a program of recovery, a Higher Power, serenity, love.

This is what we really wanted and needed, and this is what we find in our Twelve Step program.

Learning to be honest means continuing to ask questions about ourselves and our situation in the world.



You are reading from the book:

Answers in the Heart by Anonymous

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May 29

Things happen

A healthy friend dies participating in a sport she loves. A husband works hard on his marriage only to come home one day and find his wife in bed with another man.

A knock at the door, and a starving family opens it to find bags of groceries piled anonymously on the porch. A large order comes in just as a company is getting ready to close its doors, and the owner's dream is given new life.

Sometimes life twists. Sometimes it goes the other way, too. Things happen. Sometimes we label these events good, sometimes bad. We cannot always see the reason or purpose in them, but most of us choose to believe there's a Divine plan.

I don't know why I've received some of the blessings I've been given; I don't know why some of the sorrow has come my way. All I can do is trust that whatever comes my way, there's a lesson at hand.

Are you focusing on the circumstances of your life instead of the lessons? The circumstances are the tools. Be involved in them. Feel the pain of loss and the elation of victory. Let compassion work its way into your soul. Learn caring and kindness for others and yourself, too.

Instead of asking why, learn to ask what the lesson is. The moment you become ready to accept it, the lesson will become clear.

God, help me accept all the twists and turns along my path. Help me learn to say whatever to the good and the unfortunate incidents that come my way.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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May 30

I have learned this: it is not what one does that is wrong, but what one becomes as a consequence of it.
--Oscar Wilde

There are countless ways to take shortcuts in life or to grab for pleasures. We could cheat on our income taxes, excuse a food binge, or lie to a loved one about where we've been. We say, "It won't hurt anyone!" "I wouldn't do it if it weren't for the other guy." Or, "Everyone does it." But if we are to like and respect ourselves, we need to live by the rules we believe in. Whether we get caught or not isn't the point. We cannot hold values and then repeatedly justify breaking them.

What does it do to us if we constantly fudge on our values? It undermines our self-esteem and damages the faith we have in ourselves. We do not expect to be perfect, but we must be accountable. If we are honest with ourselves, we admit our wrongs and reestablish our self-respect.

Today, I will take care to make choices that match my values.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous