The Reality of Relapse

[MajestyJo]

Once again I want to thank all of my friends in recovery for their strength and support.

Today is day two after the relapse. The addict has already been to three meetings and fessed up numerous times.... a good thing. He is trying to get honest with himself and the world and make peace with his HP.

For me ... Many of you have mentioned the "pain" and "hurt" that I must be going through. Honestly... I don't feel the pain or hurt. (Accept for my kids) . But for me personally I am quiet calm and serene. I don't feel the pain or hurt. I am not sitting here crying "Oh why me?"

Little story...

A long time ago when I went to one his open CA meetings and he stood up and said "Hi my name is XXX & I am an addict." I cried, the tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. So this was what life was going to be. Living with an addict. Pain and suffering, hurt and lies, money disappearing and late nights out and all the other attributes that come with addiction.

For me the only way to sanity was to plunge myself into my program and learn the tools that I needed for survival. As I learned I grew. It was not a fast quick road that I was on , but one that was sure in it's course.

I learned so many wonderful things both about myself, the addict and most importantly God. I learned about acceptance, gratitude, love, and placing blame. I learned about judging others and myself. In essence I learned how to be a loving human being with God at my side.

So with all this stored information tucked somewhere in my little brain the reality of relapse for me has not been painful. I have accepted the fact that he is an addict and he is just doing what addicts do. God wanted this to happen for a reason. Maybe to make both of us more aware of the reality of the world around us. Maybe to make us both a lot more honest in our doings. Maybe to wake us both up from our comfortable day in day out routines. Maybe to take us to the next level of living life.

I don't have a clue right now what God's reasoning was but I am glad that it happened. Not to mock the addict or put him down in any way but as a way to get him honest and do the things he needs to. To dig deep down and really feel. To keep me focused where I need to be focused.

So my thanks to this program and all the wonderful folks in it on both sides of the hall. For they have all given me their best ESH and tools available to me. So today is filled with God , peace, calmness and serenity.

Posted in 2005