Wisdom For Today - December

[bluidkiti]

December 7

Wisdom for Today

When I was active in my addiction to alcohol and drugs, one thing I did not possess was the ability to be rational. I would avoid making decisions all the time (which strangely enough is a decision in and of itself), because I really had no clue about how to make a decision. Most of my actions were impulsive, without thought and made in reaction to an event or emotional response or in defensiveness. Being rational was something I just did not comprehend. Often times I lived by the motto, "If it feels good, do it." And often times as I lived this way, I really put others or myself at risk. Even when it came to making decisions about when or what to use to get high, I really wasn't making these decisions. My disease was making them for me.

Even early in the recovery process, I struggled with making decisions. I always seemed to leave a door open - "Just in case." Even though I said I wanted to stop my using, I repeatedly relapsed, felt guilty and ashamed, would stop again and then start all over again. I was still on the merry-go-round of denial. It was not until I ruled out all my options, closed all the doors, got rid of all the excuses and made a decision to stop that I was able to really accept my powerlessness. In recovery I had to learn how to make rational decisions. It was rational to do that which was healthy. And so I began the journey toward becoming rational. It was rational to do things God's way rather than my way. My way didn't work. Many times I have had to look for rational answers to the problems of life, and each time I learn more. Have I started to be more rational?

Meditations for the Heart

The last line of the Serenity Prayer ends with, "and the wisdom to know the difference." But what is this thing called wisdom, and where do I find it? I was convinced early on in recovery that when someone would say the slogan, "Keep it simple, stupid," that I was indeed the stupid one they were talking about. Looking back, there was some truth to that; but the reality was that I had a lot of "smarts," just the wrong kind. I had street smarts but lacked commonsense. I behaved in foolish ways and did not possess the wisdom I needed. So I began to study and do research. I studied the program literature. I listened intently to others at meetings. They were the winners, and they had wisdom I did not have. I spent long hours doing "homework" with my sponsor. Little by little I began to pick up bits and pieces of wisdom that I could trust. Today I am not so "stupid" anymore, but I am wise enough to know that I can get that way again if I quit studying and researching what I need to do in ongoing recovery? Am I working to gain wisdom in the program?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
I have learned that wisdom can be gained if I am willing to do the footwork. I also know that true wisdom only comes from You, so continue to lead me to the places where I can gain the wisdom You want me to have. Help me to seek out the winners and learn from them the wisdom of a healthy life in recovery. As I walk through this day, help me to make rational decisions, closing the doors on irrational choices.
Amen.