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Old 12-31-2013, 06:53 PM   #3
MajestyJo
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Location: Hamilton, ON
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There are many forms of eating disorders. Some of them are just habits of unhealthy eating and lack of self-care.

I have heard several stories and one of them is that to eat one meal a day is one of the unhealthiest things we can do to our bodies. It doesn't give us the energy we need to function through the day. My ex-boyfriend only ate one meal about 4 p.m. when I met him and he started work at 5 a.m. and lived on coffee through the day. After he ate, all he could do was lie down and sleep. Then he started eating lunch, but he had the old habits and he ate after work between one and two stuffing himself, then eating again later in the day, and all he wanted was to sleep, He didn't work off the food, didn't metabolize it properly, and he ate two helping and three if it was available. At the end of the day a bed time snack was a bag of cookies and a huge bowl of ice cream or a bag of chips and a couple of sandwiches.

I firmly believe I am what I put into my body. I put on weight cooking for him yet I only ate about a third of what he ate. There are people like my son who can eat huge amounts of food and never gain an ounce. I swear I get fat just looking at what he eats.

Today I try to eat balanced meals and eat three times a day. Very seldom do I eat in between meals, and I think the quantity has a lot to do with it. Eating until I am stuffed and can't move just because I like it or want more isn't something I can allow myself on a daily basis. This is what I take to God. I can't, God can and I have to let Him on a daily basis.

My problem is that I don't want to eat. I know that when I don't put food and healthy food into my body, my body bloats and I develop stomach disorders, activate my irritable bowel and bladder disorder from my fibromyalgia and I get a lot of pain. My mother died at the age of 40 weighing 240 lbs. For me to gain weight is to live in fear and anxiety which causes more pain and more reason to stuff. It affects my self-esteem and self-worth and I go into depression because I don't like myself. If I put on weight, it affects the rest of my body and causes breathing problems, back aches carrying the excess weight along with anger at myself and others and that also cause body irritation. Even my feet and legs are affected, especially if I don't get a lot of exercise. It is a vicious circle and affects all parts of my body. I will put so much on my plate and if some of what I am eating I think of as 'fattening' I can't eat what is on my place. Pasta for some reason is something I can never finish and generally end up throw some of it out. It can be only a few pieces, but I feel like if I eat it, I will upchuck and lose everything that I have eaten.

I have to give myself permission to eat.
I have to allow myself certain portions of food.
I have to balance healthy food and exercise.
I have to take things to God on a daily basis, it is so easy for me to substitute food for others things, especially when I am in an emotional state.

Cutting back on the quantity of food shrinks the stomach. My aunt use to use a smaller plate and would only eat what fit on that plate. It does work when you work it.

I am sure many of us can identify with the mental obsession and the craving for more. I always need to remember that I can not trigger a craving until I pick up and 'use'; food is an inanimate object until such a time as I choose to pick it up and put it in my mouth. Picking it up and looking at it, taking it out of the refrigerator, putting it on the stove and cooking it still doesn't make me 'eat' it. It is only when I eat it that it affects me. The mental obsession I take to God. The mindless thought I try to acknowledge and let go of it instead of giving into it. God can, I can't, just for today, I will let Him give me the strength, the courage, and the integrity to do what I need for my health and well being.

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Love always,

Jo

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