If You Want What We Have

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The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one.
JOAN BAEZ

Newcomer
Where were you yesterday? I called you at nine in the morning and eleven at night; both times I got your answering machine and left a message. I know you’re a busy person, but I thought that people in this program would at least have the courtesy to return my calls.

Sponsor
I did have a busy day yesterday; I missed talking with you. This is going to happen once in a while, so I’m glad that you have other phone numbers and a meeting list.

When I was newly recovering, my motto was “I want what I want when I want it!” Sometimes my sponsor wasn’t available instantly and had to call me back later; sometimes she said things I didn’t want to hear at all. When my response was to withdraw—to stop calling, or miss meetings so I wouldn’t have to see her-I closed the door to healing. But when I could summon the courage to say, “I feel hurt, I feel angry, I’m afraid to trust you!” we could talk about what was going and reason things out together.

Thank you for letting me hear how upset you were that our routine was disrupted; it’s an important part of the work you are doing in recovery. I won’t always be able to give you what you want when you want it, but I do respect your feelings.

Today, I have the courage to call my sponsor, even though I may have thoughts or feelings I’d prefer to ignore. I keep the line of communication open.