If You Want What We Have

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"If You Want What We Have"
Sponsorship Meditations
by Joan Larkin

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Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Soren Kierkegaard

Newcomers

When I look at the Step Four, the phrase "the exact nature of our wrongs" sounds so grim and old-fashioned. I don't know if I can face my past that way.

Sponsor

We have a phrase---"the arrogant worm"---to express the way some of us think of ourselves: one moment we're too important to take the Steps; another moment we're the worst things that ever walked the face of the earth. Both are distortions. I'm a human being living among other human beings. I'm not a saint, but I'm not a worm, either. Words I've said or failed to say, and actions I've taken or not taken have had an impact both on other people and on myself. Chances are that the behavior I'd most like to forget is the behavior most important to include in my inventory.
The point of this Step isn't just to list our faults, not is it to beat ourselves up for them. Nor is it to complain about the ways we've been victimized by people or circumstances. It is to look where our addictions have taken us.

In recovery, I cherish my innate sense of right and wrong. Today, it leads me to take actions for which I esteem myself.