If You Want What We Have

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I am years gone from my family, and miles away.
JERROLD MUNDIS

Newcomer
I keep hearing that recovery is a bridge back to life, but I don’t think that I’ll ever have a decent relationship with my family. I called a family member on the phone last night and said that I was in recovery. I got such a skeptical response. It’s always the same story: no matter what I do, I can’t please these people.

Sponsor
It takes time to build a feeling of centeredness and self-worth. In the early days of my recovery, my sense of self was easily shattered by a word or look that confirmed my old belief that I didn’t deserve much. I had to practice “Easy does it,” especially with family members. I decided to keep family interactions light, for the time being. I mad program calls just before and just after any call I made to my family. In time, I had enough self-esteem to face emotionally charged situations without threatening my recovery.

What have the responsibility to protect our new recovery by keeping some distance between ourselves and the people, places, and things that we drank or drugged or acted out over. And we have the opportunity to build self-esteem by participating in meetings. We can start simply: show up, help make coffee, set up chairs, empty ashtrays. We can listen, raise our hands to share, thank the speaker, say hello to another newcomer. Giving service, no matter how small the action, builds feelings of usefulness and self-respect.

Today, my thoughts and energy go into self-esteem, not self-rejection. I show up for my life. I deserve to surround myself with the love that is in the program.