Wisdom For Today - January

[bluidkiti]

January 22

Wisdom for Today
I used to be a real show off, and I acted like a real know-it-all. I really tried to impress people a lot. I would show off and drink one shot after another to impress people. When I was using drugs, I would cut myself a bigger line than everybody else. I also would talk and talk about things I really didn't know much about but somehow would manage to lie my way through each story. I acted like a big shot and would buy other people drinks or turn people on so that they thought I was doing okay financially. I did all these things and more for two reasons. One was to bolster my own denial system; if I pretended hard enough, then even I might start to believe my own games. The other reason was to try and prove to others that I really amounted to something.
The reality was that I wasn't selling this game to anyone, not the people I tried to impress and certainly not myself. I was a loser and didn't fool anyone. Even in recovery I have a tendency to get a big ego. I spent time in early recovery trying to make myself look good to others. But it was still a game. This defect of character can be dangerous because I might get a big head and then even think I am smart enough or cool enough that I can drink or use again. Can I afford to get a swelled ego in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
Grasping that which is spiritual is not something you can do with your mind. God is beyond all our understanding. We can only grasp pieces of understanding with our mind. We cannot grasp an understanding of God with our hearts. He is beyond our emotional understanding; we can only try to make of Him what we want Him to be. In fact, the only understanding we can truly have comes through faith. It is God who helps us understand Who He is. My Higher Power reveals Himself to me. I do not need to go looking for Him. He comes to me in my prayer and meditation. He comes to me in and through other people. He comes to me through many of the things I read. I don't go looking for a Higher Power; God comes looking for me. All I have to do is let Him find me. Am I still trying to find a Higher Power; or have I decided to let God, as I understand Him, come looking for me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I see You in the shadows of life and in the brightness of my days. You are all around me and always have been. It was I who was hiding, not You. Walk with me on my journey today. Help me to find and keep humility in my thoughts, words and deeds today. Teach me about Who You are, so that my simple understanding will grow along with my faith.
Amen.