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Old 11-26-2013, 12:40 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 22,035
Default Expectations

Because you're not what I would have you be, I blind myself to who, in truth, you are.
—Madeleine L'Engle
It was the quote that drew me to the reading. I realized early in recovery that you can't project expectation, especially onto someone who is not mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually capable of meeting them.

I would put such high expectations in some areas of my life and expect others to live up to my standards. Even when I lowered them, to some people they seemed unattainable. If I didn't live up to them myself, it was just another reason to beat myself up.

As it says in the Big Book: The higher my acceptance and the lower my expectations, I never had it so good.

Before AA, I judged myself by my intentions, while the world was judging me by my actions. Acceptance has been my answer....

Big Book p. 450 - Third Edition


Higher Power, help me stop expecting so much from myself. I set unrealistic standards, and when they are not met, unhappiness follows.

Help me be true to myself and only expect what I am capable of doing. As I grow in recovery, I am able to do more.

Your will provides realistic goals. Your will provides what I need to succeed.

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.
No matter what fellowship we belong in, I think we have always put high expectations on ourself. Either that, or we had very little or none whatsoever and we never could do anything because we always thought of ourselves as failures.

Often I projected them onto others, only to find that they were not capable of meeting them. I had to realize that they were not failures, because they didn't meat my criteria. I forgot that they had their own Higher Power and that I wasn't it.

I temper my expectations with acceptance today. As the Big Book says, "The lower my expectations the higher my acceptance.

All I am asked to do is be the best me I can be in today. Sometimes I fall far short of this, that is why there is Step Seven. It says in the Bible (I think), "Make a joyful noise onto the Lord." That noise isn't suppose to be caterwauling and complaining, it is to be praise and joy filled with a lot of gratitude for this second chance at life.

Love always,


I share because I care.

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