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Humor "We Are Not A Glum Lot." Share Articles, Humor, Inspirations, Jokes, News, Poems, Quotes, Writings, etc. Here. Keep It Clean Please.

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Old 09-24-2016, 11:31 AM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Default Funny Sayings

Funny Sayings

- They say money talks. Well, my money used to talk, then it whispered; now it just sneaks off.

- If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?

- Why do we say something is out of whack? What's in whack?

- When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in what happens to the other penny?

- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

- Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

- Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

- Did Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

- Why is it that if someone tells a man that there are 1 billion stars in the universe, he will believe them, but if they tell a man a wall has wet paint, he will have to touch it to be sure?

- If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

- Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

- What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?

- If it were to be true that we are only here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

- Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

- No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K.
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt
We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time!
God says that each of us is worth loving.
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