Lovethemvols
 
 

A friend of mine celebrated a years sobriety on August 9th of
this year, one day before me. We have a meeting at my
homegroup at the end of every month where we celebrate
birthdays.  At the time I had to work so I got him to speak
for me. That following Sunday I spoke for him at his party at
his homegroup. Ain't that the coolest thing you ever heard.
Life don't get no better. But it hasn't always been that way.

Here's how I got here !

I was born In a small town in Tennessee in 1964. None of
my family are alcoholic. I started drinking at 12 and smoking
pot & cigarettes at 13. Got my first D.U.I. at 18 after the law
got tired of bringing me home to Daddy. Before that I had
been kicked out of school several times for doing just
whatever sounded fun at the time. What most people think of
as illegal or not moral I just thought was funny. I had no regard
for others feelings. I carried that with me into my adult life and
it took this program and the steps to show me that.

I was married at 18. Had a daughter. Divorced at 20. Married
again at 21. Had another daughter. Divorced at 24. Married
again at 25 and divorced at 29. Once people really got to know
me they didn't much like me. Selfish is really not a good enough
word to describe me between the ages of 18 & 37. I would
play people in whatever angle it took to get my game to work in
my favor. I had very no sympathy for anyone. I was impossible to
trust cause I was always pulling something and everyone was
afraid to be involved. The alcohol was always a part of me and the
drugs were getting harder to sell cause I was doing so much as the
years went on.

I was sent to my first treatment center by a judge in 1988 and over
the next 13 years I went to 10 treatment centers, 4 halfway houses,
and got 9 D.U.I.'s. I was arrested for pot and 3 times for narcotics
charges. I was hospitalized 3 different times for alcohol poisoning
and once for a heroin overdose. During all this I stayed sober 6
months two different times and 11 months one time. But I still
thought I could control my drinking; my actions while I was drinking;
and would find a way to do it different next time around.
I REALLY BELIEVED THAT IN MY HEART !  I was completely
insane and thought I had just been dealt a bad hand. Talk about
denial. I thought it was some stupid game and I was not hurting
anybody but myself.

The last time I drank I picked up 4 felonies. I had 2 dropped, got
a 2 year sentence and just had to do 7 months. Now tell me I'm
not being watched over !  When I was getting out of jail I wondered
how long it would be before I returned. I knew I would cause I knew
I would drink again. I always did. Why should it be any different?
Right? I came back to the meeting rooms hopeless, and scared to
death. I didn't think I had ever been scared of anything. I know today
what scared is. I didn't see any way for me to be helped.

I'd been in A.A. a long time. Couldn't stay sober no matter what. I
believed that miracles were things you seen on the movies at Christmas
time. I had never prayed unless my head was stuck in a toilet or I was
in a really tight situation. I didn't believe God helped people like me.
There was too much bad stuff in the world for there to be a forgiving
God. That was my honest belief. I got a sponsor that loves the Big
Book and he told me one day to get on my knees every night and thank
God for letting me live as long as he had. That was all. Nothing more.
In the morning ask him to not allow me to think about alcohol that day.
I said that's about the craziest thing I ever heard. But I did it anyway
cause he said too. Nothing what-so-ever happened for 4 weeks.

My sponsor got me into service work and I felt so good one night
after a jail meeting I thanked God in the parking lot and He thanked
me back. I mean He literally thanked me back. I've never felt that
loved in my life and haven't felt like there's a cloud of doom over me
since. I've known ever since that night that God is real and He wants
to carry us through this world. All we have to do is open the door
and Believe !

God, this program, my sponsor and those 12 steps have saved my life.
I strongly suggest anyone not to wait on those steps. Work them steps
and start working with other suffering alcoholics. Somebody worked
with you !  That's the way I believe I can pay back my Higher Power
for what He's done for me. He took the obsession for alcohol away
and if He hadn't, I wouldn't be sober today.  If anyone hasn't told you
they love you today I'm telling you now, I do !  Thanks for letting me share.