Wolf M
 

My name is Wolf and I am an alcoholic.
I took my first drink when I was 11 years old.
Some Creme de Menthe and Creme de Cacao
I snuck out of my parents liquor cabinet.  Why?
I remember being 4 or 5 years old and watching my
parents and their friends in my Grandpa's basement,
having these wonderful parties, everyone dancing
and laughing and singing.  And I remember the big
bar in the corner.  Drinking and fun.  They went hand
in hand.  So I drank a little every now and again, and
one time a freind and I got a pint of Muscatel and got
drunk.  But I did not drink much until I moved to
California (where many other things were easy to get as
well). I loved the taste and the effect of alcohol.  It made
me someone who I wasn't.  It gave me the ability to talk
to girls.  I was kind of shy.  I drank myself through high
school (only on the weekends) and half way through
college.  In 1971 I met a girl from the islands, and in 1972 I
followed her out to the Western Pacific island of Guam.
I left my parents home for her parents home.
In 1973 we got married, in 1974 we had a child, in 1974
I graduated from college and only drank on the
weekends (unless I had a reason to drink during the wee,
and I found many).  My wife did not like me to drink
so I did not drink as much as I wanted to.  I started working
for a company (for which I still work today) in 1975.  In 1976
we had another child. In 1979 we moved to Saipan,
(I left her parents for a new parent, the company I still work
for).  My drinking really took off here, because I was my
own boss now.  I started getting unshy again and took up with
another woman.  My wife and I seperated.  She moved
back to Guam with our two daughters and I rarely got to see
them.  Now I was drinking because I was sad and guilty.  My
second wife left me for another man (after 4 years together).
Now I was drinking because I was lonely.  But I still paid the
bills, the child support, the food, etc.  So what was the problem.

I married again in 1985.My wife did not like me drinking
(Deja Vu).  But I continued to drink, and continued to fulfill
my responsibilities at work and at home (although many times
I would go to work drunk, so was I really fulfilling my
responsibilities?)

We had a son in 1987.  On December 15, 1987 I was at a
company function and I got drunk and blacked out.  The
next morning I came to on my kitchen floor.  My wife was
there also.  Looking at me from the corner of the room.
Looking at me with fear and disgust in her eyes.  It
suddenly became clear to me that my drinking had finally
become a problem.  In the blackout I had beaten her
and tried to run off with my infant son.  I knew I was sick.
I called a doctor friend and told him I was sick.
He knew me so he knew what I was
talking about.

He sent me to a shrink, who gave me a phone number
of someone who might be able to help. It was a woman I knew
socially, who was a recovering alcoholic (which I did not
know).  She came to my office and she told me her story.
She said I would never have to drink again if I did not want
to.  When I asked how, she said, come to a meeting.
So I went to my first AA meeting.

I have been coming ever since.  Turns out though
that meetings are only a part of my recovery.  I also read
the Big Book, and talk to my sponsor, and work the steps.
 And working the steps means I stay in concious contact
with my God and let Him run my life now.

We have gone from one meeting a week to 4 a week
now.  We have gone from a government office, to the
hospital,to a church social hall, to an old radio
station.

But there is much recovery out here. I know that there
is no cure for my disease.  But that is ok.  Because I have
been given the gift of sobriety and I have also been given
the tools with which I can keep it. (The steps and
traditions).  But I must also give it away to keep
it.  So, thanks for letting me share.