February 16

A man does not seek to see himself in running water, but in still water. For only what is itself still can impart stillness to others.

~Zhuang Zhou

Our own reactivity has often escalated a problem rather than helped to resolve it. But we can learn to be less reactive. All of us have a range of responses. At our worst we may lash out in abusive anger. At our best we try to be tolerant and understanding. When we are exhausted or depleted in other ways, we are more prone to react from our worst self. And our harsh reaction only makes a crisis worse.

We can change our pattern of reactivity and give our best response by developing an inner calm. Then we always have access to our better self, and we are less prone to take things personally. That doesn’t mean we are always placid or passive, because sometimes our best self needs to rise up and say no! When we are calm, we can respond most effectively, either with open tolerance or with a “no” if it is called for.

Today, I will maintain an inner calm as I deal with the issues that arise.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones, More Daily Meditations for Men

February 17

AA Thought for the Day

Since I’ve been in AA, have I made a start toward becoming more honest? Do I no longer have to lie to my loved ones? Do I try to have meals on time, and do I try to earn what I make at work? Am I trying to be honest? Have I faced myself as I really am and have I admitted to myself that I’m no good by myself, but have to rely on God to help me do the right thing? Am I beginning to find out what it means to be alive and to face the world honestly and without fear?
Meditation for the Day

God is all around us. His spirit pervades the universe. And yet we often do not let His spirit in. We try to get along without His help and we make a mess of our lives. We can do nothing of any value without God’s help. All our human relationships depend on this. When we let God’s spirit rule our lives, we learn how to get along with others and how to help them.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may let God run my life. I pray that I will never again make a mess of my life through trying to run it myself.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day, A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life

February 18

Hurried and worried until we're buried
And there's no curtain call,
Life's a very funny proposition, after all.

~George M. Cohan

Often, when we involve ourselves in a whirlwind of activities, plans, and expectations, we push ourselves so hard that we don't derive any satisfaction from success. We need to face our limitations. We can't do everything we want. Even when we can do a great deal, if we overextend ourselves, take on too much, we will not enjoy ourselves, and there is no reason not to enjoy our work.

Our activities are part of what we are. If we choose to live in a frantic hurry, worrying about the next moment instead of this one, we'll miss life entirely. Part of self-knowledge is learning to pace ourselves to our own speed, learning to set goals we can attain for each day. When we do this, we can say, "Now that I've completed this, I don't have to do one more thing to feel worthwhile."

Am I trying to do too much too fast?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift, Daily Meditations for Families

February 19

And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.

~Matthew 15:14

Twelve Step programs are sometimes called “self-help programs.” But they’re not really, because we all help each other. We don’t stay sober by ourselves. Sometimes we call Twelve Step programs “peer programs.” And they are. All of us are equal. No one is an expert.

But we need to be careful whom we choose for a sponsor. We each need to find someone who has been sober longer than us. Someone who understands the Steps. Someone who lives by them. Someone we want to be like. We need to stick with the winners.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, I know I’m like a blind person who is just beginning to see. Help me follow the path of those who see better than I do.
Action for the Day

Today I’ll list the people in my program I go to for help. Am I sticking with the winners?

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple, Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal

February 21

We cannot approach prayer as we do everything else in our push-button, instant society. There are no prayer pills or enlightenment capsules.

~Janie Gustafson

Prayer is the relationship between each person and his or her Higher Power. Our approach to this relationship is guided by our understanding of God. How other men and women have prayed and related to God throughout history may guide us today.

Any relationship is a process, not a momentary event with an instantaneous outcome. It builds with repeated contact and dialogue. With give and take, prayer is our honesty encountering God and our openness hearing God expressed on God’s terms. Like any relationship, prayer includes all our feelings—anger, fear, and mistrust, as well as generosity, goodwill, and gratitude. Gradually, we see the events of our lives through the wisdom and detachment our spiritual relationship provides.

I return now to my dialogue with God, asking only for knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry it out.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones, A Book of Daily Meditations for Men

February 21

Living in the now

“Just for today.” “Live in the now.” “It’s a twenty-four-hour program.” Ask for sobriety each day upon arising. Take a daily inventory.

Such slogans and recommendations show that our predecessors considered the twenty-four-hour approach to be pretty important.

Can I see how this is true? Do I practice living one day at a time?

Higher Power, grant me the patience to live in today and the insight for a better tomorrow.

Today I will work at living in the now by…

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day, Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts

February 22

Reflection for the Day

We come to know in the program that there is no deeper satisfaction and no greater joy than in a Twelfth Step well done. To watch the eyes of men and women open with wonder as they move from darkness to light, to see their lives quickly fill with new purpose and meaning, and above all to watch them awaken to the presence of a loving Higher Power in their lives—these things are the substance of what we receive as we carry the message of the program. Am I learning through Twelfth Step experiences that gratitude should go forward, rather than backward?
Today I Pray

May my Twelfth Step be as wholehearted and as convincing and as constructive as others’ Twelfth-Stepping has been to me. May I realize that the might of the program and its effectiveness for all of us come through “passing it on.” When I guide someone else to sobriety, my own sobriety is underlined and reinforced. I humbly ask for guidance before each Twelfth Step.
Today I Will Remember

To pass it on.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time, Daily Reflections for Recovering People

February 23

Accepting our powerlessness over other people relieves us of a heavy burden.

When we first hear the term powerlessness, we’re baffled. What does it mean that we are powerless to control another person’s behavior? With little or no success, we argued, manipulated, and cajoled. Our hours were filled with attempts to control.

Giving up this behavior is frightening at first. We might ask ourselves, what do we do now? At length, we learn through the example of others to live for ourselves. Though it may have seemed selfish at first, we are realizing a new freedom that energizes us. We are beginning to glimpse the richness of our own lives now that we have time to focus on us.

I will relish my freedom from the lives of loved ones today. I’ll focus on my behavior only.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own, Meditations on Hope and Acceptance

February 24

When an insight, or series of them, is especially clear and powerful, we may experience a complete paradigm shift. When this happens, the universe offers us a veritable internal earthquake rather than just a gentle nudge in the right direction. A paradigm shift is defined as an important change that occurs when the usual way of thinking about or doing something is replaced by a completely new and different way. The initial use of the term in science and business environments has now expanded into the realm of personal growth.

Maybe we get in touch with a talent we never appreciated before, and that new reality alters virtually everything—from how we make a living to the quality of our relationships. Rather than an incremental advance or slow, steady progress, we leap!

Sometimes, such dramatic changes are preceded by a significant wake-up call. This could be someone close to us dying or getting severely injured, resulting in a significant change in our worldview and behaviors. Or we might develop a serious illness and suddenly realize how important spending time with family and loved ones really is. While sometimes such jolts are painful, the changes they engender often produce some of the best moments and outcomes in our lives.

I pay special attention to the insights offered by wake-up calls and paradigm shifts.

Today's reading is from the book Cornerstones, Daily Meditations for the Journey into Manhood and Recovery

February 25

Take Risks

Take a risk. Take a chance.

We do not have to indulge in obviously foolhardy or self-defeating risks, but we can allow ourselves to take positive risks in recovery. We cannot afford to keep ourselves paralyzed.

We do not have to keep ourselves stymied and trapped out of fear of making a mistake or failing. Naturally, we will make mistakes and fail from time to time. That’s part of being fully alive. There are no guarantees. If we are waiting for guaranteed courses of action, we may spend much of our life waiting.

We do not have to shame ourselves or accept shame from anyone else, even those in recovery, for making mistakes. The goal of recovery is not to live life perfectly. The goal of recovery is to live, learn our lessons, and make overall progress.

Take a risk. Do not always wait for a guarantee. We don’t have to listen to “I told you so.” Dust yourself off after a mistake, and then move on to the success.

God, help me begin to take healthy risks. Help me let go of my fear of failure, and help me let go of my fear of success. Help me let go of my fear of fully living my life, and help me start experiencing all parts of this journey.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go, Daily Meditations on Codependency

February 26

There is no such thing as “best” in the world of individuals.

~Hosea Ballou

We live in a society driven by the concept of competition. “We are Number One” is drummed in our ears daily via advertising and sporting events. The message is that we must be or must have something “better than” if we have any sense of pride at all. Failure is the only other option.

But human behavior can’t be judged according to this kind of rating system. How could we ever determine who is the best listener, or the most insightful or compassionate? At any given moment, the best for us may not be the best for someone else. If it goes right to the heart, a simple word spoken at a meeting is the best word. If someone we hardly know nods and smiles from across the room, that smile is the best smile for us, here and now. The extended hand, the brief word of encouragement, will never be proclaimed “Number One” on television, never be memorialized in record books as better than the support someone else got, but for us, it’s the best.

I am surrounded by a multitude of blessings. I need look no further for what I need.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy, Daily Meditations for Adult Children

February 27

My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.

~Henry Ford

To be a friend involves risk. Friends confront each other when it’s needed, but they do it out of love and with compassion. All of us need a friend who will tell us when we are acting out of line, when we are “not able to see the forest for the trees.” Friends are there for us in the struggles—rooting us on, maybe teasing us a bit, helping us get past the difficulties and eventually helping us find the gift embedded in them. Friends risk upsetting us, if it means we may become better people.

We need to be grateful for these people. Theirs is not always an easy job. Many of us have big egos; we don’t want to be told that we are wrong. However, friends keep seeing the best in us, even when we aren’t acting our best. Theirs will be the faces we see when we look back at our lives, especially at the times of crisis and challenge.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me be a friend, and help me be grateful for my friends.
Today's Action

Today I will work to bring out the best in those around me, even if that means saying the hard things. If I must confront someone, I will only do it if I can do it with love and compassion.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me, More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple

February 28

The great end of life is not knowledge but action.

~Thomas Huxley

It is important to gain knowledge as we seek to understand ourselves and others. But we can also get caught up in insisting too much on knowing rather than doing. Maybe we are sometimes too introspective, too hooked on trying to figure everything out.

Often it helps to just get out there and do things. We may feel paralyzed and believe that we can only be “cured” when the moment of illumination arrives. But just undertaking little acts of kindness or daily tasks can set in motion a chain reaction that builds energy and self-confidence. Finish that chore, help a neighbor, send a card, go for a walk with a friend. Yes, we can do it, and it feels good.

Love, too, is action. Love is not just a feeling but a connection, a reaching out, and a communion. Love is doing things for others. At the end of the day, we may wish to write down not only what we have thought and felt, but what we have done—for ourselves and for others.

Let this be a day in which I set in motion loving actions that will help me and others.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart, Daily Meditations for Men and Women Recovering from Sex Addiction